Beautiful Heartbreak
So I’ve been thinking about heartbreak today. Different moments of my own life where I have been left a little shattered inside by events. It leaves you a little scarred and a little scared, no matter how well you weather it. Hilary Weeks’ song looks at the postivity in heartbreak, but I feel like that kind of view can only come after some time has passed… Time has passed for me. I’m past the last major thing that rocked my world off kilter. And yet I find that traces of that time keep lingering. I truly wish I could eradicate those traces and just be me… except those experiences deeply affected me. I’m different now… less naive, more observant. Not jaded, but definitely a little more wary and maybe even fearful of getting back in that situation. How can you not be nervous? Anxious? So so so many times this situation has fallen apart, more often than not with big, painful effects. Try as I might, I can’t help but feel the emotions. Do you hope? Do you become cynical?
I can’t help but hope. I’m an optimist. I am a trusting person. I see the good in the world, I look for the good in the world. I want to believe good things can happen, even when the past argues against that claim. So if I think and worry and wish I could just skip to the end of the story, well….. I guess it’s just a small price I will have to pay for not being jaded and cynical.
That’s kind of a roundabout. I don’t know… I just needed to put some words out in the universe about today. Emotion can be very cathartic. And when emotion leaves you somewhere you don’t want to be, the Lord is always there. I can’t skip to the end of this chapter, let alone the next page. But I can move forward with faith and see what happens next.
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